


Bliss

by curi_o



Series: Pretty the World [2]
Category: Firefly
Genre: Content: Fluff, Contrivances: Mind Reading, F/M, Meta: Juvenilia, Topics: Forgiveness, Topics: Siblings, content: romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-03
Updated: 2007-03-03
Packaged: 2017-11-09 00:43:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curi_o/pseuds/curi_o
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River gets a second chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bliss

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty the World prompt: Quote
> 
> There were several pieces in the [Pain for Jayne](http://archiveofourown.org/series/21837) series for which I was asked/wanted to write sequels and/or fluffy alternate endings. One of those was ["Isn't it Nice to Know a Lot? (And a Little Bit Not)"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/449346), which we'll call the prequel to this piece of fluff. (Well, it ends fluffy.) This piece doesn't make a lot of sense if you haven't read the prequel.

* * *

River Tam was not unfamiliar with regret. She regretted enrolling at the Academy. She regretted not understanding the danger to herself sooner. She regretted bringing danger to her brother, and then to the crew of _Serenity_ , the ship that had become her home. She regretted being the cause of both Shepherd Book and Wash’s deaths, not to mention the hundreds of other deaths all because of the secrets in her brain.

She regretted all of those things daily; however, her current regret was much more immediate. River Tam regretted whatever she’d done to turn Jayne Cobb against her.

* * *

Jayne’s attitude toward her had first changed after Miranda. His former discomfort and desire to be rid of her shifted to a wary acceptance after River saved his life. Then, nearly a year after that, his attentions became much more solicitous and, ultimately, conspicuous. River hadn’t thought much of his affection one way or the other until Kaylee, who—along with Zoe, Mal, and Inara—had noticed Jayne’s new interest, mentioned something to Simon.

Simon had always been rather slow at perceiving shifts in interpersonal dynamics. When he finally did observe what everyone else already knew to be the truth of things, he went straight to Mal and demanded Jayne’s dismissal. When Mal flat-out refused to consider the notion, Simon went to Inara, who held sway with the captain. 

Inara explained to Simon that Jayne’s interest in River had heretofore caused no problems, and that Mal still considered Jayne a lucky find. The captain was reluctant to part with his hired gun over something so small as an unlikely affection. Inara encouraged Simon to seek River’s thoughts on the matter.

River loved her brother unconditionally. She was responsible for his current status as exile and outcast from the society into which they’d been born and would do nearly anything to please him. She told him what he needed to hear. 

No one would be hurt, of course, and River truly did not expect she’d ever desire Jayne Cobb’s companionship. That her words kept Simon calm and relaxed, sure of his place in the universe—something of which her actions had once deprived him—was the most important outcome.

Or so she’d thought. It was around that time that Jayne’s attitude toward her again shifted dramatically. River realized that she’d taken their easy dynamic for granted. Before, they’d been able to banter, joking and laughing easily. They’d been able to enjoy a comfortable silence when there was no call for words: Jayne at the table, cleaning his guns, and River somewhere near, drawing, usually. 

They’d even become partners on some of Mal’s more memorable jobs. For that, they each had to know how the other thought and fought and moved. Jayne was barely a match for River, and they both knew it; even when she went easy on him, he ended up injured most times they sparred. And still he took it in stride, never cross with her, more often than not laughing at whatever he’d done wrong.

And he’d decided she needed a place for dancing, so he’d built that, too. He didn’t often watch her using it—the idea seemed to embarrass him—but a few evenings she’d feel his presence somewhere in the shadows, and she’d work extra hard to show him just how much she appreciated his gift. But now she’d done something wrong, and Jayne had changed.

He barely spoke to River, even on jobs, barking demands and orders when he bothered to communicate anything at all. He spent most of his free time in his bunk, presumably cleaning his guns there. He’d suggested breaking up the platform he’d spent so much time building and selling the wood. It was good wood, River knew; she’d gone with Jayne to buy it.

They hadn’t sparred in months; Jayne always found a way to excuse himself from the activity. Their working relationship had rapidly deteriorated, and after one too many botched jobs, Mal had gotten the hint and stopped partnering the two. River only used the dancing platform when Jayne was off-ship and there was no chance he’d find her doing so.

There was more of that time, now, too. Although he’d been comfortable staying around the ship when they were dirtside _before_ , these days he seemed unable to wait for his freedom. He’d thrown himself back into purchasing affection and the anaesthetizing alcohol that he thought eased the anger and loneliness and hurt he didn’t want to feel. River knew the drinks and women never helped, though. She could sense him, even across towns, angrier and lonelier and more pained than ever.

He’d grown more obstinate, too, if such a thing were possible. His insolent attitude toward Mal was positively begging for a fight, and he’d taken to bullying Simon in the cruelest fashion. He’d become nicer, however, to _Serenity_ ’s women—barring River, of course.

And River felt his rejection most acutely. Now _she_ was lonely. She was jealous of the women he left _Serenity_ to find; she was even jealous of Kaylee and Inara and Zoe, to whom Jayne actually spoke—at whom he even sometimes _smiled_. The hurt was a different kind of pain than she’d felt as a result of the Academy’s meddling, but, for all that it was _real_ , it wasn’t in any way preferable.

River truly knew her way around regret. But _this_ time she had the power to stop the pain—both her pain and Jayne’s, and she would use it.

* * *

Malcolm Reynolds had a strange talent for developing plans prone to being thwarted. It was no surprise when, one breakfast before a meet, River warned the crew that the drop would be especially hazardous. Although _Serenity_ ’s mercenary protested strenuously, Mal was firm in his insistence that Jayne and River partner for the job.

The intimidating hulk of a man and the creepy slip of a woman seemed overkill for the Border farmers who’d paid for the shipment of seed and other equipment. Just as the money and goods changed hands, however, a gunshot startled the gathered parties. River’s horse spooked and shot off into the dangerously rocky wilderness amid the chaos of flying bullets. Before Mal could order Jayne after her, his paid gun had spurred his own horse into pursuit.

* * *

When Jayne finally found her, River and her mount were visibly exhausted. The chestnut mare was slick with sweat as she drank from a cool stream. River sat against a rock in the green grass beside the horse, shuddering.

River heard the thundering of Jayne’s own horse long before the man arrived in the clearing. Even when flooded with his sudden relief at discovering her, however, River did not look to see how that feeling was expressed. She heard his dismount and the quiet, calm way he spoke to the huge black horse. She knew when Jayne stopped to examine the chestnut mare for injuries and when his eyes carefully studied her own shaking form, and she closed her eyes.

He addressed her gruffly. “We’ll have to sleep out here tonight. Lay out your roll and get some rest, girl. It’s a good thing Mal won’t let your brother come running after you; boy’d lose his way in the dark and the ship’d be down a doctor,” he continued.

“Space _is_ very dark and vast,” River murmured.

“Well, dirt ain’t exactly space, moonbrain!” Jayne snapped. 

River sensed his weariness, his tension and hurt from being near her stronger now they were alone. That was good. It meant he still cared.

She opened her eyes, staring at the horizon perpendicular to the setting sun. Jayne’s gaze followed hers just in time to see an ancient Firefly-class transport head for the black.

He didn’t even yell. She’d thought he’d yell, but he just sighed wearily, flopping to the ground.

“Are they gonna be back for us?” he asked in a low rumble.

“Daddy and ge ge have lost enough family for this lifetime,” River assured him.

Jayne laughed bitterly. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m not here by myself, then.”

River couldn’t take any more of Jayne’s pain, of his misinterpretations and misunderstandings. She turned her eyes to his face, staring where he’d last seen _Serenity_.

“We’d come back for you,” she whispered. “We’d always come back for you.”

Jayne looked at her, incredulous.

“Nobody goes out of his way to find space trash, girl,” he said with that bitter laugh.

River was horrified as she finally understood what she’d done to hurt Jayne so badly. She stood and moved swiftly toward him. He flinched away as she knelt and reached for him.

Catching his face between her palms, River forced Jayne to meet her gaze. “You are not trash, and I was wrong.”

Jayne’s eyes clouded with pain as he tried to shake her off. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

River held steady. “ _I_ do. I’m talking to _you_ , not Simon or anyone else. The only person whose opinion I care about this moment is you.”

Jayne seemed to resign himself to her hold. He shrugged awkwardly. “I already heard what you had to say on the subject of me. It’s a good thing, too, ‘cause I was fixin’ to make an idiot of myself.”

River slid into a sitting position, cradling Jayne’s head against her chest. She was sure he could hear her heartbeat as she insisted, “I was _wrong_. I’d never realized…” she trailed off, her practiced speech suddenly inadequate.

To his credit, Jayne was silent as she thought.

“I’d never considered you in relationship to anyone. I knew Simon’s thoughts and feelings; I thought they were mine.”

It was River’s turn to laugh without joy. “I didn’t realize how important you are to me until I’d already broken everything.”

Jayne went very still in her arms. River moved so she could look him in the eyes again.

“I’ve never had to think about caring for anyone. Relationships follow templates and patterns and I slide through the guides. But you and I, we didn’t have a template. We just _were_ ,” River studied Jayne’s face, dropping her hands. “Do you understand?”

Jayne’s expression was strangely guarded as he stood.

“You’re saying you didn’t exactly mean the things I heard you say? You’re saying… you’re saying you got stupid and screwed up.” Jayne’s gaze was fixed to the horses grazing behind River.

“Not exactly,” River responded.

Jayne looked at her, confused.

“I’m saying that my meaning is the complete opposite of my words.” River looked away, suddenly shy. “If today were then, if you still wanted me, I would tell you that I’m already yours.”

There was silence as River waited for Jayne’s reaction. She didn’t go looking for his feelings, and they, for once, did not find her.

Finally, unable to bear the tension, River glanced up.

Jayne was gone.

* * *

There was a curious sensation in her chest. Her lungs wouldn’t fill correctly. Her heart beat irregularly. Her head felt light and airy, her stomach dense and heavy.

River stood and found her balance unsteady. She moved slowly to the chestnut mare, reaching into a saddlepack for the comm Mal’d given her.

Turning it on, River took a deep breath.

“Albatross to Big Bird. Come in, Big Bird.”

Mal’s voice crackled back through the speaker, “Big Bird here, reading you loud and clear, ‘Tross. Mission accomplished?”

River hoped the crackling of the connection covered the break in her voice. “All finished here, Big Bird. Time to return to the nest.”

“That’s a big 10-4, ‘Tross. Meet you at the worm. Big Bird out.”

As River collapsed into tears, she heard an amused voice.

“Big Bird?”

* * *

River turned to find Jayne at the edge of the clearing, one hand behind his back. She hurried to wipe the signs of crying from her face as he strode toward her, a grin on his handsome face.

“Mal’s been watching too many movies from Earth-that-was. Ain’t nobody talks like that for real any—“ he cut himself off as he drew closer to River.

“Are ya hurt?” he asked anxiously, his eyes quickly checking her for injuries.

River was astounded. “I do not understand,” she said, slowly and clearly.

“’Bout the CB lingo? It’s this funny way people—my grandpa said they was called ‘truckers’—“

“No,” River cut him off. “Why are you here?”

Jayne looked at her in confusion. “You don’t want me to be here? I thought you said…”

“You were gone,” River explained.

“I went to get these,” Jayne said, pulling a handful of wildflowers from behind his back. “Females like flowers. It’s a courtin’ tradition, I thought.” He looked worried. “Is it wrong?”

River began crying again, throwing her arms around Jayne’s waist. She felt him drop the flowers as he wrapped her in his embrace.

“I’m sorry! Don’t cry! You don’t have to have the flowers,” he comforted her.

River was shaking against his chest when Jayne leaned back to see her and reveal her tear-stained face wearing a huge smile.

River stood on her toes to whisper in Jayne’s ear.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

The grin that lit his face was one she would remember forever.

* * *

Mal, Zoe, Simon, and Kaylee waited for the pair in the cargo bay. As the two deadliest members of his crew boarded, Mal did a quick visual check. River and Jayne smiled loopily at everyone, even Simon, on their way to crew quarters, not even stopping for a “Thanks for picking us up, Mal,” or anything. River held a battered bouquet of wildflowers in the hand not firmly situated in one of Jayne’s large paws.

Mal broke out in a triumphant grin of his own, turning to Zoe.

“Looks like one of my plans worked out, after all, don’t it? Guess I’ll be heading to the bridge and collecting on that bet with Inara now,” he crowed smugly.

Zoe turned her unimpressed gaze on Mal, raising an eyebrow.

Kaylee looked up from comforting Simon, confused. “I thought this was River’s plan.”

Mal scowled, huffing in annoyance as he strode off toward the bridge.


End file.
